S3E08 - "Flashes Before Your Eyes"

01:34  That amount of pornography is far from shocking.  Plus it's totally soft-core.

04:31  Charlie's jealous of Our Hero Desmond.  Are we going to see a Desmond/Claire romance?  God I hope not.

09:14  Lookit, Charlie and Desmond are bonding.  How sweet.

I did not make this vaguely homoerotic tribute to Desmond and Charlie's friendship.  But I wish I had.

10:42  Desmond is puh-hiiiiiissssssssed.

11:56  That's a horrible paint job, man.  He's just going every which way with that roller, and isn't concentrating on one section at a time.  He's got two walls and part of the ceiling painted!  What an idiot.

17:44  I get the feeling this Mr. Widmore doesn't really like Desmond all that much.

19:02  Guitar-playing hobbit on the streets.  Before Drive Shaft got big?  ("Shaft got big.")

23:07  This ain't the past you're used to, Desmond my boy!

26:58  How the fart does this lady know what's going on?  Twilight Zone shit, people!

28:35  I've been to London three times and I ain't ever seen anyone selling roasted chestnuts on the street.  Just sayin'.

30:13  Now this old lady is channeling Final Destination.

32:02  I've also walked along the Thames there, and never saw a guy taking photos.  WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE!

35:34  A pint of his cheapest?  I bet it's Carling.

This is what they say instead of "Budweiser" in the UK

36:46  Thwack!  Cricket bat!

41:07  So if Charlie was supposed to drown, that means he's going to die regardless.  (At least, if Final Destination lady is right.) 

S3E07 - "Not in Portland"

Not to be confused with "Not-Portland" which is a fort in Louisville where crust-punks do disgusting things with bikes.

02:41  Jesus, how many Deadwood actors is this now?  Pretty soon they'll have all of South Dakota on this damn island.

03:37  So Ethan was with Juliet in Miami.  Interesting.  Yet doesn't tell us a damn thing, as usual.

04:29  I love that Sawyer made sure to break dude's nose again.  Then apparently killed him with electricity.  Sweet.

05:22  If I were Jack, I'd just kill Ben now.  What's he got to lose?  Juliet's ass is already trying to get Kate and Sawyer back.

07:07  What's Governor Devlin doing in the research lab?  Oswald State Penitentiary is in Miami!

11:32  Alex saves the day!  Pretty good for a teenage half-frog.  (This is not a commentary on genetic engineering, but rather a run-of-the-mill ethnic slur).

12:27  McCoughnadickname:  "Sheena."  But he's used that one before. 

15:55  McCoughnadickname:  "Underdog."

19:47  I recognize this swarthy dude too, but, sadly the only things I recognize from wikipedia are the two Dark Knight films, and, er. . . Suddenly Susan.  (My adolescence was an odd one, okay?)

22:36  Alright, now what the fuck is Mac doing on LOST reading A Brief History of Time?  He looks so young. . . and so thin.

Not as young as when he raped that girl, though.

24:33  Now we got some weird-ass Clockwork Orange type shit going on here.  Except instead of Beethoven, it's avant-garde house music of some sort. 

25:19  And another reference to Jacob.

28:56  HAHAHAHA HIT BY A BUS

30:20  She's not the boss's daughter, you fool, she's Rousseau's daughter.

30:57  Right on, Juliet.  Wish Sawyer'd've been the one to finally off Danny, though.

38:55  I bet he said something about a bus.  Or something.  I dunno, I just haven't typed anything snotty in a few minutes.

41:15  Okay, so the island's not in Portland.  That narrows it down.

S3E06 - "I Do"

Someone's getting married.  I hope it's Locke and Sayid.  They'd make a great couple.  So dreamy, so badass, so sweaty and dirty!

00:45  I see Kate is channeling Mary Tyler Moore here.

01:42  Hey, it's Firefly! 

04:41  Jack's showing some balls (but not in the me-in-my-big-shorts way), but only when he knows he's got an out.  What a jackass.

05:41  WHY DO I HAVE A SINKING SUSPICION THAT THIS WEDDING WILL NOT GO OFF AS PLANNED

09:25  "Where is she?!" he yells.  He thinks it's the doctor, but I think it's Alex.  Yep, Alex.

Not pictured:  No freckles.

10:19  Holy crap, Kate has freckles all of the sudden!  (And for any naysayers thinking it's just a format/compression  issue, I'd like to point out that this season is actually the lowest quality I've watched so far.  So nyeah on your faces.)

13:45  Okay, fine, the wedding went off okay.  Way to prove me wrong, magic picture box.

16:36  Jack's pissed that Kate's crying over Sawyer.  Jealous much?

17:07  So if a person who is zealous is a zealot, is a jealous person a jealot?  Maybe not, but I am totally going to start using that word.  Jack is such a jealot.

20:02  I DON'T GET IT WAS SHE COOKING AN EGG IN THE PHONE BOOTH WHAT

23:19  She called him "James" so you know she means bidness.

25:19  Eww are they going to do it right there in the damn cage?  That's gross.  You're gross, guys.  Plus you totally don't have access to contraception.

29:55  Jack's a super jealot now, buddy.  And a voyeur, to boot.

31:17  So is Jack really going to take out the tumor, or is he still going to go through with the murder plan?  Did he have a change of heart because he saw Kate basking in the afterglow of Sawyer's southern sexy? 

33:32  "My name's not Monica!"  It's Janet.  (Miss Jackson if you're nasty). 

37:00  "Shepherd wasn't even on Jacob's list"?  WHO IS JACOB?  IS BEN NOT THE LEADER??  WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON HERE??? ("Eff" means "fuck" btw)

38:18  He chose some weird third option - presumably to ensure the safety of Kate and Sawyer.  Didn't see it coming, but I'm not surprised.

39:40  Sawyer's going to be saved just in the nick of time.  By the other gunman, or by Jack, I'm not sure.

42:04  Kate's being a little bitch all the sudden, dang!

S3E05 - "The Cost of Living"

03:35  Another episode where they keep reusing footage from old episodes.  We saw all this already, make with some goddamn story!
 
06:22  Nice khurti, Linus.

07:56  I can't decide whether or not I like the fact that this season's big mystery seems to be "So whose X-Rays are those?"

09:32  Oh, what a quick resolution to that mystery.

10:41  Eko went to the hatch too.  How convenient for Locke and the crew.

14:06  Okay, why is Eko being attacked by zombies?

14:55  "I'm not Jack."  And thank God for that, John.

17:54  Adebisi ain't afraid of shit.

19:04  Aww hell, smoke monster's back!
 

Not exactly a smoke monster, but still pretty damn frightening.

21:24  I don't think Juliet looks very much like Julie Bowen at all, really.

25:25  So these two new folks are just there to provide ham-fisted explanations of things we should already know?  God, this is horrible.

27:47  Oh wait, that's right, Eko put the cross back onto his brother's body.  Uh oh!

29:16  Ah, yes, ol' Father Eko's still got a little bit of the Adebisi in him.  Still knows how to handle a machete.

31:48  Who's the fuckin' cyclops?

33:40  Jack's going to have to take a fall, throw the match, botch the surgery.  But somehow, I don't think Juliet's being completely honest either.

39:37  Eko's brother is a damn smoke monster!  That means Eko is part smoke monster too!  Does that mean he has super powers?  OH NO HE'S GETTIN BEAT UP BY A SMOKE MONSTER GOD DAMMIT

41:04  If Eko dies, I'ma be pissed.

41:49  I'm pissed.

S3E04 - "Every Man For Himself"

Sounds like my sex life.  Hey-O!

01:22  Desmond knows something's going to happen to the baby if he doesn't move them down the beach.  He's a fuckin' precog!

03:39  The sub is back?  Like . . . a foot-long, or . . .?

04:14  McCoughnadickname: "Chinatown."  To the guy with the busted nose.  Not as awesome as a switchblade to the nostril, but, hey.

06:28  Why doesn't Sawyer just dig himself out, seeing as how the ground's all muddy and there's such a large gap under the cage wall right there? 

08:47  McCoughnadickname:  "Costanza."  Nice. 

09:07  McCoughnadickname:  "Murgatroid."  I don't get that one, though.  Is it a Snagglepuss thing?

10:44  If Sawyer only weighs 180, then I'm six-foot-four and have a fifty inch penis.

13:23  New guy on the island can't act.  And is totally wasting his golf balls by hitting them straight into the goddamn ocean.

14:40  Ben just killed a bunny.  Now I fucking hate him.

15:48  I don't believe this pacemaker bullshit.  Any sort of excitement would set it off.  Such as seeing Kate bending over in that dress all the time.  You heard?

18:37  Haha, I called it.  Beep beep beep beep!

20:08  Sawyer's got a baby!  And hey, both the primary whores from Deadwood are in this episode.  What a feat!

25:52  Do you love heem?  (This is a South Park reference, but I can't find the clip on Youtube, so just imagine it.)

29:43  Aww, she don't love you, she just don't like bloody faces.  Suck it, Sawyer!

30:44  And of course they were watching the whole time.

33:03  Whose X-rays are they?  They're the polar bear's!

33:55  He built a lightning rod.  Out of bamboo and a five-iron.

38:32  Is he going to pretend to push him off the cliff to show that there isn't really a pacemaker in there?

38:53  I knew there wasn't really anything in there.  Nice trick with the rabbit, though.

40:07  Look, it's a green-screen!

41:30  Nice quotin' from Steinbeck there, Benny.