S3E12 - "Par Avion"

Par Avion is French for "by air," which is what they write on air mail.  So, uh, air.  Planes.  Airplanes.

00:57  God dammit, it's a Claire episode.

04:17  And here comes ol' cockblockin' Desmond.

06:12  Claire's actually got a pretty good plan.  I mean, I'm sure it won't work, but it's good to know she can actually think.

11:09  Yeah, anarchist, what list?

11:32  It's not Ben, it's that other guy they were mentioning.  I forget his name.

12:19  He was about to say "paralyzed."  Wonder where he knows Locke from.  Another damn commune, perhaps.

15:19  Aunt Lindsay is kind of a bitch.

17:32  Cockblockin' Desmond again.

20:16  Well that was a pretty gruesome death!  And Locke's response?  "Sorry."

23:42  Oh no, her new doctor is going to be Ethan.

23:58  Even better, it's Jack's dad!  And by better, of course, I mean, big deal who cares.

24:35  Wait a tic, is Claire's mom the mother of the illegitimate kid?  So is Claire the illegitimate kid?  What is all this hooey?  And why did it take me five tries to type "illegitimate" correctly?

25:25  Well, Jack and Claire are brother and sister.  Who'da thunk?  The two most annoying motherfuckers left on the island are related.

29:08  Wait a minute, though.  The timeline here doesn't add up.  It was mere days before the flight back to LA that Jack's dad was banging on a door in the rain wanting to see his daughter.  Meanwhile, Claire's pregnant - and blonde.  Now all the sudden she's a grown-up, her mom's in a coma, and she's a goth with no baby.  This is a huge plot hole here.  Oh wait, are they retconning this into he came back to Sydney the last time to see the mom, and it's the aunt who was saying "You'll never see her!" and all that?  I think they're reaching quite a bit with this one.

34:44  Charlie dies a lot, man.  Like, a whole lot.

36:01  Ah, there we go, Claire's blonde and pregnant, visiting her mom.  Oh, and a nature show about thsoe birds.  It's all coming together!  And doesn't seem forced at all! Really! 

39:25  Oh no, Sawyer's reading Ayn Rand.  No wonder he's such an asshole about owning shit.

40:46  Alright, how is that note going to stay attached to the bird?  And when it gets wet, which it inevitably will, all the ink's going to be washed-out.  What a horrible idea.

42:04  Are we supposed to think Jack's been turned too?  I don't buy it.

My thoughts on this episode.

S3E11 - "Enter 77"

Ooh, a cryptic episode title!  Those usually bode well.

01:52  McCoughnadickname: "Zorro."  Mildly racist, but, hey, it's Sawyer.

03:26  Sayid hears a cowbell in the forest.  Blue Oyster Cult?  No . . . just . . . a cow.

04:14  Hey, it's ol' Polyphemus, who we saw in the monitors a couple episodes back. 

05:16  McCoughnadickname:  "Avalanche."  (Is that a comic book reference?)

Yes.  Apparently his super power is being a Juggernaut palette swap.

05:48  McCoughnadicknames:  "Crouching Tiger" and "Hidden Dragon."  More racism.

06:01  Ha!  No nicknames for a week!  Won't happen.  Will not happen.

08:22  I knew a middle eastern man named Sammy.  (Was not a fan.)

09:49  Holy Christ, that gunshot scared the shit out of me.

10:56  Mikhail Bakunin?  Oh come on.  But wait - last living member of the Dharma Initiative.  So the rest of these people are not Dharma?  Then who are the otters?

Who are the what now?

12:55 Like a lighthouse keeper?  That's as good an excuse as any to post this.  (He also emphasizes the word "lost" at one point, so it's like doubly almost-relevant).

14:35  The "hostiles" predate Dharma. . . . Interesting.  Of course, dude could be lying through his one-eyed teeth.

15:36  His wife's all burned up on her hands.  Aaaaand Sayid's kicking ass.  Always.  Ah, I bet this is some woman he tortured back in Iraq.

18:05  If Sayid says he's one of them, then I believe he's one of them.  Sayid's never wrong. 

Okay okay, almost never.

18:41  McCoughnadickname: "Grimace."

21:12  Kate with a nice kick-to-the-face there.  That's one of my favorite moves.  (Humphrey Bogart was a master of this - just watch The Big Sleep sometime).

27:31  Don't pay attention to the computer, John, it cheats!

32:13  These people want to die.  A fate worse than death awaits them if they're caught?  I dunno, but that was a pretty awesome headbutt.

34:05  Obviously entering 77 is going to set off the C4 and blow the Flame to shit. 

36:06  That's one fat-ass pussy.  (See, because it's a big cat.  Jokes!)

39:15  Okay, but did he really torture her, or is he just saying this to save himself and/or make her feel better?

41:16  Kaboom!  Sayid is pissed.

S3E10 - "Tricia Tanaka is Dead"

Isn't that the name of the Asian newscaster on Family Guy that's the butt of all those racist jokes?

00:34  Holy crap, it's Cheech.  No, really, it's Cheech Marin.

05:23  That damn dog is still around? 

07:28  Oh shit, Tricia Tanaka is an Asian newscaster. 

09:24  The chicken shack was hit by a meteor?  That's just . . . okay, whatever.

12:55  Just noticed, all the sudden Kate's freckles are gone again.

Not pictured:  "Freckles"'s freckles.

17:51  McCoughnadickname:  "Oliver Twist."

18:49  McCoughnadickname:  "Snuffy."

19:58  McCoughnadickname:  "Jimbo." Three McCoughnadicknames in 2:08?  That's got to be a new record.

20:29  She's going to find Rousseau.  I foresee a reunion between Rousseau and Alex soon.

27:21  I bet Cheech paid off the psychic - all part of a con.

28:48  Called it.

31:29  McCoughnadickname:  "Jumbotron."

31:38  McCoughnadickname:  "Jiminy Cricket."

34:57  Once again, I never considered this way of starting a vehicle a "jump-start."  It's a push-start.  A jump involves battery-to-battery connections.  Come on, people!

36:44  Also, I don't think you'd need battery power to turn the wheel on an old VW minibus. And wouldn't all the gasoline have evaporated over the years?  A quick google search says that not only would all the gas have evaporated, but the moisture it attracts would have rusted out the gas tank.  Any gasoline that did not evaporate would be nigh-unusable, as different components of the gasoline evaporate at different rates.  THEN AGAIN MAYBE THE ISLAND WANTED THE VAN TO START DA-HUR HUR.  Don't even get me started on all the other components - even the simple things like air in the tires.  Stupid LOST.  This entire episode was pretty shitty.  A couple of laughs, yeah, but the rest of it was just so pointless and contrived.  Ultimately, a big fat case of who cares?

39:48  Hey, we're back to Kate.  Searching through the jungle for Rousseau. 

42:10  I don't know if the whole Alex being Rousseau's daughter thing was supposed to be a big reveal, but I knew that shit last season.  Fuck this episode.  Thppppt on this episode.  Thpppt and farts.

S3E09 - "Stranger in a Strange Land"

This episode gets its title from one of the most overrated pieces of shit books I've ever had the displeasure of trudging all the way through.  This "classic" of science fiction is really just an excuse for Robert Heinlein to expound on his views of peace, love, and fucking anything with a warm wet hole.  Go grok yourself, Heinlein.
01:03  You can totally leave Jack behind, Kate.  Please, please leave Jack behind.

03:49  Whenever the title card comes up I wave my hand like a goddamn Jedi, for some reason.  Just thought I'd let you all know.

05:37  Dangerously close to seeing Bai Ling's nipples here.  But that's nothing new, I guess.

07:56  McCoughnadickname:  "Magellan."

09:32  This kid reminds me of Charlie X. 

This is seriously the first picture that popped up when I googled "Charlie X".

12:16  By the way, I'm offended by this Chinese actress playing a Thai woman.  (It should be a white actress.)

14:58  The tattoo says "Born 2 Suck".

18:42  Her gift is, of course, the gift of tap-dance.

21:02  Jack's got some rage issues, man.  Just yelling at Cindy like that.  All she wants to do is watch!

22:25  McCoughnadickname:  "Bobby" (as in Bobby Brady).

26:44  How could an infection get that bad?  Do these people not know anything about antibiotics?  It's called 
Bactine, idiots.
 
29:50  What is all this "see who people are" and "I mark them" nonsense? And why does she need to be paid in large envelopes of cash in public places, instead of by her customers in the tattoo parlor?  Ridiculous shit.

33:17  Marked, huh?  I hope it's not a dick branded on the ass like in that Jackass movie.

34:28  I guess his tattoo says "Thais are pussies."
 
36:27  The "mark" looks like an asterisk with a boner.
 

Punctuation porn.

39:42  Aww, Kate's all sad now. 

40:27  "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us."  Now, I'm no grammarian, so I won't concentrate on "amongst" as opposed to "among."  However, that whole forbidden tattoo bullshit was fucking ridiculous.  And, oh great, here's the return of sound down, cheesy music, slow-motion.  What a shit episode.