S1E19 - "Deus ex Machina"

That's Latin for "Fun game with shitty dialogue and a ridiculous ending."  Ha, gamer jokes!  COME ON PEOPLE

00:39  Locke with hair looks like Bob Rebadow from Oz. 

01:20  SWOOSIE KURTZ!

01:58  "It's called a trebuchet, Boone, because it IS a trebuchet."  That's called a tautology!  But that's really an oversimplification of theories of naming, but let's not get into that, because it's late and I'm tired.  It'd be the first real use of my degree other than late-night drunken conversations, though.

03:35  He can't feel pain in his legs.  He's got . . . Superlegs!


06:50  Swoosie's trippin' me out, man.

07:12  Oh, she's just insane, my bad.

07:41  Women and their gossip, am I right?

08:41  Ha, Matthew Fox dropping jokes about McCoughnadick's nicknames!

10:06  Okay when did this turn into Twin Peaks on an Island?

11:23  Institutionalized.  Called it at 07:12, people!

13:06  Oh shit, Locke's dad is also Nick Andopolis's dad!  (I'll never forgive him for selling those drums.)

15:27  See?  Twin Peaks psychic dream happenings!

16:40  Meanwhile, McCoughnadick has a brain tumor.

19:21  Dead priest in a tree.  I can honestly say I did not expect that one.

20:15  Speculation:

1. Locke's dad is just using him for a kidney.
2. He told him 11 on purpose so he would see the dialysis and therefore the subject would arise.
3. Complications from the surgery are what causes Locke's paralysis.
4. Those complications are due to Jack's dad being drunk.

Let's see how many of these pan out.

25:49  So is it that the closest Locke gets to whatever they're looking for, the less his legs work?

30:01  Those glasses are actually pretty cool, I think.

32:58  Let's hope Charlie doesn't find that plane, know what I mean?

34:44  Boone's dead.  Bye Boone.

35:23  Okay Boone's not really dead.  And Locke with the jacked-up legs is totally carrying his ass to safety.  How about that.

37:18  Congratulations, Locke, your dad is dead.

38:27  Oh sorry, your dad is just a dick.  Speculations 1 and 2 are correct.  Speculations 3 and 4, however, were wrong.

41:19  Lot of daddy issues on this show, for real.  Jack, Locke, Sawyer; all major daddy issues.  Sun and Jin have daddy and daddy-in-law issues, respectively.  Then there's the whole Michael-Walt thing -- plus,  Hurley's father is noticeably absent from his flashback.  I bet we're going to find out that the man Kate killed was her father.  And Charlie's father will also have been a heroin addict!  Stay tuned, folks!

S1E18 - "Numbers"

Okay, so everyone knows about the numbers, right?  Furthermore, I know that the numbers happen to be the same ones that Hurley won the lottery with.  So, uh, let's see what other significance they have, shall we? 

04:12  What would you do if you woke up to found Hurley staring at you while you slept?

05:26  Did I miss that the crazy French lady's last name was Rousseau?  He's another of the early State of Nature/Social Contract philosophers - along with John Locke and Thomas Hobbes.  Are we going to see a stuffed tiger become a main character at some point?

06:48  Oh no, Tito's having a fucking heart attack! 

08:35  And now Locke's trying to get Aussie to miscarry.  What's the deal, Baldo?

10:40  Oh great, Hurley winning the lottery has started a bunch of Monkey's Paw bad luck shit. 

11:27  Don't put on a red headband, this is Crip territory!

12:31  Some racial profiling going on, I see. 

13:25  Hurley is majority shareholder in a box company - Locke's box company, I assume.

14:37  The numbers are cursed!  LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

15:13  McCoughnadickname:  "Short-Round".

16:32  DEAD BOAR HANGING FROM A TREE

17:22  All the girls say he's pretty spry (for a fat guy).

19:11  Okay, why was Hurley in a mental hospital?  Suicide attempt?  Murder attempt?  Dog-fucking?

21:00  Hurley opened the box?  Maybe he was sent by Athena to go kill Ares and had to open the box!  (sorry,  I'm on my way to Hades in God of War, it's kind of consuming me.)

23:34  I knew it.  The two useless motherfuckers are on the scary end of the bridge, and the two who can get things done are back on the safe side.  I should have officially called it, but I didn't think to.

25:25  Sixteen years ago, the voice repeating the numbers starts.  Five months after the French scientists arrive, or the same time?

30:05  And boom goes the dynamite.

31:47  HIT THE FUCKING DECK, FATTY

33:24  Hurley's about to lose his shit!

38:58  Aww, Locke made a bassinette!  How sweet.

40:54  To be fair, Australia to LA is a pretty long plane ride.  I can see needing a heroin fix in the middle of it.  Shit, eight hours to London and I am positively fiending for a smoke by the time we land.