S3E03 - "Further Instructions"

01:41  Hey, Locke's back!  Or we're back to Locke, whichever.  But, hey!

03:49  And now Locke's a mute.  What the hell, writers of LOST?

07:21  It'd be awesome if Locke really had robbed a bank.  He's no Kate, though.

08:57  Awp, John's about to start trippin' balls in a sweat lodge.  "Devolve into a monkey"!  Nice Altered States reference, but that was sensory deprivation, not sweat lodge.

12:02  So the airport is being the island.  More sort of purgatory-ish metaphor.  A place of transit, waiting to go to one's final destination, all that.  Purgatory!  But probably not.  Because that's too easy.

15:08  Oh boy, more polar bears!  Oh wait, one of the Dharma guys said there used to be bears in Sawyer's zoo cage.  Hoo Hah!  I'm remembering things!

17:13  Why is Locke living on some sort of commune with Hank Jennings?  Is that the BLACK Sweat Lodge?  (Note:  That is not a racist joke, but rather a Twin Peaks joke.)

17:48  When are we going to hear some more Geronimo Jackson?

20:04  Do polar bears drink polar pops?  I'll have to ask Chris.

Whar r ur polur pops

20:24  Oh great, Locke, you just threw a knife at a fat dude.

23:26  Secret greenhouse?  I smell a grow op.  No, not literally.

26:49  Desmond's all naked and bloody.  Hurley seems quite uncomfortable with this.  What a prude.

28:06  I totally had one of those Tonka trucks as a kid.  Still do, actually.

30:42  That is one pissed-off polar bear.  One pissed-off polar bear with a burnt-up face and hairspray in its eyes.

32:37  Locke's going to give a speech later, I guess.  And that means this is where the time travel shit starts coming in?  I hope it's easier to follow than Primer was.

33:58  Is Locke going to pull a Cheney and shoot this kid-cop (and/or cop-kid) in the face?

39:27  The first appearance of two new characters that we've never seen before, with no explanation!  Hooray!  Or something!

S3E02 - "The Glass Ballerina"

Okay, that last episode was all well and good, but it was "A Tale of TWO Cities," and we didn't see anything about the people left on the other side of the island.  Come on, Abrams, gimme some Sayid, some Locke! 

02:29  Hooray, it's Sayid!

05:08  Who is this bitchy blonde?  Just some late 19th century prostitute.

10:12  Uh oh, Sun's dad caught her in flagrante dilecto.  (That means "buck nekkid").

11:20  Sawyer gets more awesome second by second.

11:46  Not to nitpick, but "I'm not doing anything until I see Jack" isn't even a question.

12:35  Uh oh, Jin.  You're gonna have to kill the man who was sexing up your wife.

14:54  Sayid, you may just be making the first bad decision you've made since you got stranded on this island.

Sorry, second bad decision.

18:37  I like it when Sayid makes plans. 

20:07  Deliver de message, de sooner de bessage.

22:46  I would say that's a "Yes," Jin can, in fact, handle an automatic handgun.

24:39  Hey!  No smooching!  Thwack!

25:14  Damn, Juliet, you're kind of a heartless bitch, now, aren't you?

26:36  Uh oh, Otter invasion.

An otter-ly adorable invasion.

28:50  Well I did not see that coming.  And neither did Jin, otherwise he would have moved his fucking car. 

30:29  Please shoot her, Sun.  Please.  Do it.

30:54  Thanks, Sun!

32:11  "Juboh" or whatever must be Korean for "Marco!"

36:50  Strawberries and fish biscuits don't really go together, though, do they?

37:04  McCoughnadickname:  "Shortcake."

39:11  Lived on the island all his life?  So the Others were there before the Dharma Initiative?  Or!  The Dharma Initiative was only made public 16-20 years ago.

40:53  Christopher Reeve passed away?!  But seriously, the not believing the Red Sox winning the World Series thing is the obvious joke.

S3E01 - "A Tale of Two Cities"

It was the best of times, it was the LOST of times. 

00:12  Locke says the Otters have "murdered us!" and they show a clip of Charlie hanging by his neck.  But he wasn't murdered!  He was almost murdered!  Have a little honesty, guys, come on.

00:36  Somebody's about to play some Uriah Heep.

00:49  Oh, no, it's just some Petula Clark.  Not nearly as rockin'.  OH SHIT YOU ARE BURNING THE MUFFINS YOU CUNT

02:13  Her favorite book is something by Stephen King?  Yikes. 

02:53  Are they in some sort of compound?  A cult, perhaps?  Is this on the island?  What the fart is going on?  Oh, hell!

03:10  By the way, has anyone else ever noticed how much William Mapother looks like Will Forte from Saturday Night Live?

 

 05:19  I see Dr. Jack is spying on his wife.

05:49  Looks like they've been giving Jack injections of the "vaccine." 

07:39  Kate's not his type?  He's gay!

07:54  Jack's in a prison cell, Kate's in a locker room, and they throw Sawyer in a zoo.  Nice.

09:14  Sawyer's in a giant Skinner Box. 

13:01  Unlike Juliet, I do think Jack's stupid.

14:09  Hey, looks like Kate may be his type after all.  By the way, why doesn't he have any eyebrows?

He lost them in the war.

16:41  They burned her clothes.  Because of that virus or whatever.  What's the deal with that, anyway?  Wait, wait.  1980 . . . . virus. . . . is this some sort of anti-AIDS cult?

17:07  "A real live fork"?  Forks aren't alive, weirdo.  And where are dude's eyebrows?

20:52  He must be crazy to turn down some GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.

23:15  First McCoughnadickname of the season:  "Chachi."

29:09  Oh hell no, Jack thinks his dad is fucking his wife.  That's just dirty.

32:17  What was all that flooding nonsense about?  Sheesh.

33:02  Sawyer won a prize!  A . . . fish cookie.  And some cereal.  Not even some goddamn Froot Loops.

36:06  Ah, so Jack's in a zoo too.  A fish zoo.  (Also referred to as an "Aquarium.")

40:54  Aww, Julie Bowen's happy.  Does that mean we don't have to see her idiot boring face anymore?  Please answer that one.  Please.

S3E24 - "Live Together, Die Alone (Part 2)"

00:05  How does Sayid know which way to face in order to pray towards Mecca, if they don't know where the fucking island is?

01:11  Yeah, Adebisi, don't blow yourself up. 

03:26  Okay, but what's the point of the invisible map?

04:43  Uh oh, US vs UK military dicksizing.

04:57  Aww, Inman got a conscience, then became . . . what, some sort of hippie?

05:59  That's the old Adebisi we all know and love - forcefully removing some skinny white guy's belt.

How does that hat stay on?

08:07  Fail-Safe was also the name of the book on which Dr. Strangelove was based.  The more you know!

08:36  Yes, what was the incident? 

09:31  Aww, Locke.  I'm your friend.

11:53  Nobody's home, Sayid.  Nobody's home.

12:35  Okay, so it's either a fake bunker, or a bunker that's been walled up.  Either way, that door belongs to a bunker somewhere.

13:17  And here's the pneumatic tube capsule graveyard.  Assuming they managed to pile up like that with no human help (no possible way), we're supposed to get from this that there never was anyone to read the reports in the first place.  Meaning maybe the Pearl was just another psychological test.  So . . . who's watching the Pearl?

14:54  Yes, Shepherd, waste all your bullets by shooting blindly into the goddamn jungle.  Dumbass.

16:01  Oops, I said the thing about the Pearl being a test before Desmond mentions it.  The perils of commenting on an episode the second time you watch it.  (And yes, I do seem to be watching this one all the way through instead of just skimming through it the second time).

19:47  Screw the button, man!

20:21  So a Scottish dude just killed the Kurgan. . . . Shouldn't we be witnessing The Quickening now

21:21  Nice touch on the EXECUTE button being all worn and stuff.  Never noticed that before.  (They probably never really showed it before, actually).

22:34  Ha!  "I think I crashed your plane."  Love it.  L O V E    I T.

24:13  It'd be great if Ben Linus just whipped out his dick and started pissing all over the captives. 

24:56  Charlie's got tinnitus now.  He's like Pete Townsend!  Minus the talent and nose. 

26:02  Locke just fucked up the monitor.  Desmond could still push the stupid button. 

26:48  I hope you're a speed reader, Desmond, 'cause you only got like four minutes till death.  And Dickens is some dense shit. 

30:40  He's going to blow the damn john?  What does the toilet have to do with anything?

34:16  What the fuck is that flying through the . . . .ohhhh, nice. 

37:39  I guess it should be heartwarming to see Michael and Walt reunited, but really I'm just glad they're leaving.  They were both annoying as hell. 

41:27  Okay why are we in the Arctic tundra now?

42:59  She said she could find anyone, right?  Nice.  But, wait, how did she know what to look for?  Questions, questions. . . .

S2E23 - "Live Together, Die Alone (Part 1)"

It's finale time, folks.

03:32  The boat's being piloted by a gun!  Oh no, wait, that voice.  It's Desmond! 

05:22  Headed to Fiji?  Who does he think he is, Lister?  (See, that's a Red Dwarf reference, for all the hardcore nerds out there.)

05:46  Stuck in a snow globe?  So this really IS all part of that retarded kid's universe. 

07:12  Desmond David Hume.  So where's a character named Tommy Hobbes?  Let's be a little bit more heavy-handed with character names, if possible.

12:21  Adebisi will fuck up a bald man. 

13:32  Enough jibber-jabber, says Sawyer.

15:02  Now that we see Libby again (and nothing really comes of it, except getting Desmond his boat), I'm really disappointed that we don't learn why she was in the mental hospital with Hurley.  Just thought I'd throw that in there.

20:05  That owl just ruined your plan, Jack.  Now Michael knows his gun's empty.

26:13  "Smells like carrots"!  Funny!

30:26  Giant stone foot . . . they're on Rhodes?

30:32  Shit, didn't even notice the four toes.  Maybe they're in Springfield?

31:48  Tricking him was bad enough, you didn't have to steal his stick, Locke.

33:45  Hey, that's the Kurgan, Mr. Krabs, Clancy Brown, again!  (The guy in charge of Sayid's interrogation(s) in Iraq.)  Does this mean Dharma is a government project of some sort?  Questions, questions. . . .

Another question:  WHOOO WANNNNNTSSS TO LIIIIIVE FOREVERRRRR?

36:15  More about these damn "infections."

39:35  Michael's probably freaking out now, buddy.

40:04  Uh oh, Jack's losing his shit all up in Michael's face.

S2E22 - "Three Minutes"

Okay, so we have another big hint pointing is in the direction that the whole button thing is just a psychological test of some sort, no big surprise there.  So are the other bunkers all various tests as well?  And is the Dharma initiative still running things?  If so, is it still the same organization it started out as?  As I said before, I'm commenting on these episodes after having watched all the way up to Season 3 Episode 1, in which Jack asks many of these same questions.  Yes, it looks like all the other bunkers, or bases, or whatever, are all giant versions of well-known psychological tests.  The Dharma Initiative still runs things, but Juliet wouldn't answer about what their game is these days.  Now, let's see what happens when Locke and Eko get back to the button, and Michael gets his crew together to go take on the Island Hillbillies.

02:50  Now all of the sudden, the texting between Walt and Michael isn't in perfect English.  I guess this is to emphasize the tension!

07:01  Caught an otter with his dick in his hand.

07:39  Funny how a bolo can knock one out and/or make him unable to fire a weapon. 

11:05  Also funny how Jack's not suspicious about Michael's demands as to who is and isn't allowed on the mission.  Actually, not funny at all.  Jack's a fucking idiot.

12:23  Don't give her the vaccine!  It's poison!  Or something!  Who knows!  Maybe her baby will end up autistic.  Whatever. 

14:51  Pituey!  (That's the sound someone spitting in someone else's face makes).

16:35  I love how this episode is at least 25% reused footage.  I also like the retconning of Alex being, not a man, but a teenage girl who refused to show herself.  (So she could be written in as Rousseau's daughter, you see).

19:08  I got "caught in a net" with myself a lot as a teenager.

24:39  Testing his blood, to see if he has this stupid disease they keep talking about. 

27:12  Sayid knows something's up.  You can't fool Sayid. 

32:44  Ha, suck it, Mike, Hugo's not coming.  Your plan shall fail!
 
40:52  "I think Michael has been compromised."  Sayid is such a badass. 

43:11  Oh, great, now Hugo's going after all. 

44:03  Boat!