S1E23 - "Exodus (Part 1)"

Okay, this episode is either about the Jews wandering in the desert after being freed from the Pharaoh, or about listening to Bob Marley.  I don't recall any Jews in the show, but Hurley acts like a total hippie, so I'm going to go with the latter here.  An odd choice of subject for the season finale, but who am I to question J.J. Abrams?

03:02  Oh shit, crazy lady appears, and there's Walt with his dick in his hand.  Literally.

04:33  The otters are coming?

05:58  ". . . or die"?

06:01  ". . . or die."  The dialogue on this show . . . damn.

07:37  It'd be hilarious if the boat just fell apart as soon as they tried to move it.

08:18  Ha!  Well, part of it broke, anyway.

08:40  Plume of black smoke?  Otters!

10:25  I think Locke's got himself a bald-ass boner from the French woman there.

10:39  OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ AND I AM OFFICIALLY A FAN OF THIS SHOW FOREVER.  No, you don't understand.  I've only seen her in maybe two movies, but I am seriously in love with Michelle Rodriguez.  She's one of my very few celebrity crushes, along with Nellie McKay, Sigourney Weaver, and Valerie Bertinelli circa 1982.  But I'm totally not down with her hitting on Jack.  Fuck that noise.  Okay, I knew there were more people showing up on the show, and I assumed they'd be from the back of the plane - they've been dropping hits all season.  I guess this is when they show up.  Hell to the yes.  Also, I got a retro-spoiler when looking up one of the actors who had a bit part (the guy playing the science teacher):  Apparently, when Boone is on the radio in the crashed plane that ends up killing him, he says "We're the survivors of Oceanic flight" whatever, and the voice answers him.  I thought they were just repeating what he said, asking for confirmation, but apparently the voice says, "WE'RE the survivors of Oceanic flight" whatever.  So yeah, hot damn.

Dynamite indeed.

16:15  Yankee go home! 

18:09  Finally spelling the beans about meeting Jack's dad.

22:24  Elbow to the face!  This marshal was kind of a dick, but, I mean, I can see where he's coming from.  On paper, I bet Kate looks like a ruthless bitch.

25:54  Locke is totally hot for her.  "Mean bush," indeed!  Wait what?

26:25 "Arzt" is German for "Doctor,"  as in medical doctor - but he's a Ph.D (they mention it when he first shows up teaching them about monsoon season).

29:02  Whatever that is, it's making the noise I make when I masturbate.

33:06  Oh great, Boone's in the flashback.  Why won't he just stay dead?

35:00  Uh, Frenchie, that's neither black, nor a rock.  It's an old fuckin' boat.

35:59  LOL racist Americans.  Well, I guess my comment was kind of racist too.  I mean, they could just as easily be Canadian.

37:05  Holy shit, a touching moment that isn't groan-inducing.  Somebody get me an Emmy nomination form!

40:24  Bon voyage, guys!  There's five more seasons, so I know you're going to fail!

S1E22 - "Born to Run"

Oh, hey, another episode named after an overrated classic rock song.  I wonder if anyone's going to wrap their legs around some velvet rims and strap their hands across someone else's engines or some other melodramatic bullshit like that.

04:04  Monsoon season is bad.  Write that down.  This will be on the test.

07:26  Ah, so Kate has a thing for doctors.

10:22  McCoughnadickname:  "Mickey".

11:24  McCoughnadickname:  "Puddin'".  He also pronounced "asterisk" "asterik," which is dumb.

14:06  Locke just politely told Jack where to stick it.

20:11  OH WAY TO GO HURLEY SPILLING KATE'S SECRETS EVERYWHERE

20:44  "I shall sing to you the song of the Hobbit people."

22:20  Aww, Jack, you hurt her poor wittle feewings.

25:19  They're totally gonna make out.

27:20  Walt's got the Shining!

31:53  Dang that woman is totally scared of her daughter.

33:04  Okay, so the cop shot Tom.  Saw that coming.

34:57  Here's something for the LOST drinking game:  Every time Kate has a lock of hair in her stupid face, pound that shit.  You'll end up with alcohol poisoning before the first commercial break.

36:40  Ah, so Sun was the one who poisoned Michael.  Makes sense, she's the natural herbal remedy lady.  Good writing there, boys.

40:23  Look at little Walt, 'fessin' up to his daddy.  Nice one, Walt. 

I know you probably expected me to post a video of "Born to Run" here, but I could not in good conscience do so.  I looked at a few videos of Springsteen tunes I actually like, but that smug look on his face just sickened me.  So here's a video of a cat farting:

S1E21 - "The Greater Good"

What's greater than good?  Great!  I really want to read more about the show, its production, how it was put together, but doing that is fraught with danger.  Any thing I read is probably going to spoil the shit out of the rest of the series, so I'm going to be stuck here in the relative dark for the foreseeable future. 

04:19  Aww, they found Sayid's terrorist!

07:27  I think a makeshift funeral is the perfect time for Blondie to own up to fucking her step-brother.

10:38  I could seriously do without Jack.  He's a whiny little bitch all the time.  It's not helpful.

14:24  Charlie's giving out nicknames now.  But I don't think "Turniphead" really compares to anything Sawyer came up with.

17:07  She wants Sayid to kill Locke now?  Jesus!  What is with this show and having so many un-fucking-likeable characters?

20:40  "I know when I'm being lied to.  There's a plane."  Everything else, however, smells of bull patties.

24:20  No, Hurley, you're no James Brown.  You're not even James Woods.  Actually, I'd like to see him on this island.  With a vagina-VHS in his belly.

26:55  Okay, I don't get it.  He busted up the transceiver because he didn't want anyone to be scared?  Somebody explain this to me, because it sounds like the writers just decided to explain the head-bonk for the sake of tying up a loose end.

32:08  Aww, the baby likes Sawyer's voice.  How formulaic.

33:44  Oh, lovely.  Vigilante justice.  Blonde vigilante justice.

37:29  I wouldn't worry, the safety's probably on.  I mean, she is a blonde, after all.  (Or a woman, whichever is most offensive.)